Maybe It’s Burnout, Maybe It’s Perfectionism!

By Gwen Preston, Registered Psychotherapist

You’re exhausted, but you can’t rest. The to-do list never ends, but even when you get through it, it doesn’t feel like enough. You’re juggling work, relationships, personal growth, maybe parenting, maybe caregiving. And underneath it all, there’s this quiet but constant hum: I should be doing better.

That kind of pressure wears us down. And it can be hard to tell; am I just burned out? Or is this something deeper? Maybe perfectionism?

The truth is, burnout and perfectionism often go hand in hand. They can feed off each other in subtle ways, keeping us stuck in cycles of overwork, self-criticism, and emotional exhaustion. And if you’re nodding along right now, know that you’re not alone, and there is a way through.

Ok, But What Is Burnout?

Burnout is more than just being tired. It’s a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. It can look like:

• Feeling drained no matter how much you sleep

• Losing motivation, even for things you used to enjoy

• Feeling cynical, numb, or disconnected from your work or people

• Struggling to concentrate

• A creeping sense that you can’t keep up, no matter how hard you try

  
  

And when burnout stems from a high-achieving, perfectionist mindset, it can be even more confusing because it’s not just about being overworked. It’s about the why behind the work.

The Perfectionism Trap

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting things to be done well. It’s often about believing that your worth is tied to your performance: How productive you are, how competent you appear, how well you meet everyone’s expectations (including your own).

Here’s how perfectionism can quietly drive burnout:

• You set unrealistically high standards for yourself

• You’re afraid of making mistakes, so you overwork to avoid them

• You feel guilty when you rest or slow down

• You rarely feel satisfied with what you’ve accomplished

• You judge yourself harshly, even when others praise you

  
  

Sound familiar?

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we talk about how these patterns - while absolutely understandable - can pull us away from what really matters. The more we try to control or eliminate discomfort (like fear of failure or not being “enough”), the more stuck we can feel. And often, the harder we push ourselves to feel "okay," the further we get from being okay.

Learning to Let It Go Without Giving Up

This doesn’t mean giving up on ambition or excellence. It means shifting the way you relate to your thoughts, feelings, and expectations. ACT offers a few powerful tools to support this shift:

1. Notice the Story

When your mind says, “You’re not doing enough,” or “You have to get this perfect,” try pausing. Notice that this is a thought, not a fact. You don’t need to argue with it or push it away. Just notice it with curiosity. Try saying, “I’m noticing my mind is telling me a story about needing to be perfect.” That small shift can create a little space to choose how you respond.

2. Connect with What Matters

Instead of asking, “What should I do?” try asking, “What do I care about here?”

If you’re working late every night, what value is driving that? Maybe it’s responsibility. Maybe it’s care for others. The goal isn’t to stop caring; it’s to act with intention, not from fear or pressure.

3. Make Room for Rest

Rest isn’t a reward for getting everything done - it’s part of a sustainable life. Even if your mind says, “You haven’t earned it,” see what it’s like to make space for small pauses. Ten minutes outside. A moment of quiet. A meal eaten without multitasking.

You don’t have to prove your worth through exhaustion.

Let me say that again: 

You don’t have to prove your worth through exhaustion.

Moving Forward Gently

If you’re feeling depleted, tense, or just “off” - whether it’s burnout, perfectionism, or both - it’s okay to slow down and check in. You don’t have to wait until everything is falling apart to take care of yourself. The best time to make a change is now, gently, step by step.

And if you’d like support untangling these patterns, you’re welcome to reach out. I work with many clients navigating burnout, high standards, and the pressures of modern life and together, we can explore a more sustainable, meaningful way forward.

You can connect with me by phone, email, or through Charrontherapy.com. Or if I’m not the right fit, I encourage you to reach out to a therapist in your area. You don’t have to figure this out alone.