
Do you find yourself consistently exhausted? Does it feel like you're going through the motions of life, running on auto-pilot? Do you feel as though you’re pouring from an empty cup, giving more of yourself than you have to offer? Or as though there’s not enough time in the day?
Many of us share these impressions and carry the burden of our daily life with the expectation that we ought to "do it all”. Sometimes, we might fear that if we can’t "do it all”, we'll be seen as weak or incapable. The irony is that trying to do it all and push through feelings of exhaustion can become a source a stress in and of itself.
One might think self-care is a luxury, but I dare say self-care is necessary. Giving ourselves grace, patience, and compassion could be the key to living a rich and fulfilling life.
Misconceptions of Self-Care
What do you think of when you think of self-care? Who's got the time for a bath! What if I don't like meditation? 3-wick candles? In THIS economy?
While meditation, baths, and beautifully scented candles can be forms of self-care, self-care acually takes on many forms! Some obvious and pampering, some subtle yet effective. Self-care is a flexible practice and its purpose is to help individuals feel nourished and resilient within their everyday lives.
Some common misconceptions of self-care can include:
1) Time Consuming and Expensive: Self-care is an experience that doesn’t have to be time consuming. It can be as small as recognizing one is overwhelmed and taking a moment to decompress. It doesn't have to come at any additional cost either; it could just mean rescheduling plans to prioritize sleep; picking a comfortable outfit for a busy day; or pausing to drink a glass of water.
2) Selfish: Self-care isn't taking away from anyone else; In order to be able to nourish those around us, we must ensure that we are nourishing ourselves first. Kind of like the masks on an airplane: You need to put yours on first if you're going to be able to help anyone else.
3) Must be “Earned”: If you struggle with negative beliefs such as being "not good enough" or less than everybody else or "too busy", you might think you don't deserve self-care. Self-care isn't a luxury hobby (although you deserve that too!) - self-care is the art of meeting one's most basic needs so that we can function properly. The only requirement to "earn" that is being a human that is alive on planet earth.
4) Must be “Relaxing”: Sometimes self-care is saying no to someone; going to bed early; booking that doctor's appointment; doing that worksheet your therapist recommended; or even tidying up the house. Self-care isn't always relaxing. Sometimes self-care is about doing what needs to be done so that my body and my life run smoothly. Self-care can happen in the physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, social, financial, and environmental realms of one's life.
5) All-or-Nothing: Self-care doesn't have to be this a strict routine that needs to be abided
by every single day. Self-care includes listening to one’s needs and responding. Therefore, if the self-care practice starts feeling like a chore, you have the flexibility of adapting that to be more nourishing.
Self-Care and Psychotherapy
While psychotherapy can be beneficial for many issues, self-care is a topic that comes up often. Some people might struggle to understand what self-care is for them, how to implement it, and why it's important. The benefits of discussing self-care in therapy include:
1) Safe and Supportive Environment: Therapy sessions can offer people a space to be vulnerable, open up, feel heard, and learn about our needs and experiences.
2) Understanding and Exploration: Learn to recognize the signs that you're running on an empty tank. Explore the factors contributing to that feeling and some options you have to turn it around.
3) Recognition: . Individuals can gain a new understanding of what self-care means for them through this opportunity to explore the aspects of their life that may be nourishing or depleting their mental energy.
4) Finding Balance: A psychotherapist can help guide you to find a balance between your daily life stressors and engaging in the self-care practice in a sustainable and flexible way.
5) Patience and Giving Grace: Sometimes, individuals can hold high expectations of themselves. A therapist can help you navigate difficult emotions that might arise (like guilt, shame, or anxiety) and challenge self-limiting core beliefs that might be an obstacle to taking care of oneself. Therapy is a space to cultivate grace towards yourself, as well as to learn and grow as an individual.
We can recognize and understand when a piece of machinery is down, not running smoothly, and is experiencing issues due to being overworked. As humans, we sometimes do not offer ourselves the same recognition and understanding or feel it necessary to ignore this and push through.
If you've been feeling a little "off", burned-out, depressed, anxious, stressed, guilty, or even resentful - it might be time to discuss these issues and explore the topic of self-care with a therapist. They can help you sort through the depleting elements of your life and balance it with some nourishing factors that will help promote resilience.
Written by Claudia Milejski, RP (Qualifying), Associate Therapist
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