
Finding out that your teen has feelings of suicide can be devastating. Many parents are left feeling anxious, scared, confused, frustrated and helpless. They might also feel unsure how to help, worried that they might make the situation worse or unsure if they’re doing enough.
Adolescence is a time of extreme change biologically, physiologically, emotionally and socially. Many recall their teen years as a challenging time. For some, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness become so intense that their minds consider any way to end the suffering, including the possibility of taking their own lives.
According to the Mental Health Commission of Canada, in 2019, suicide accounted for 25% of all deaths among 15-24 year olds: “Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death amongst youth, second only to unintentional injuries", including accidental overdose.
The good news is that suicide is preventable. Research has shown that caring and compassionate interventions do save lives and there are many ways parents can help.
A helpful first step is to recognize the risk factors that may lead teens to developing suicidal feelings and ideations:
- Internal stressors (ex: overwhelming emotional pain, feelings of hopelessness, mental illness, trauma, impulsivity or struggles with gender identity and sexual orientation, etc.).
- External stressors (ex: bullying, exposure to suicide, homelessness, racism, or recent stressful event, etc.).
- A tendency for “tunnel vision” that prevents them from being able to see past the difficulties of today and into the future.
- Exposure to suicide (ex: by a beloved celebrity, family member or friend).
- Access to means of suicide, including potentially lethal medications and firearms.
- History of previous suicidal feelings or attempt(s).
These risk factors increase the odds of developing suicidal feelings. According to the Centre for Suicide Prevention, here are some warning signs that someone you love might be actively suicidal:
- Talking about suicide or plans to take their own life.
- Significant mood changes. (ex: sad when they’re usually happy, happy when they’re usually sad; easily annoyed or angry)
- Risk taking and spontaneous behaviour that is out of the ordinary. (ex: wanting to run away, drinking more alcohol or consuming drugs)
- Statements that indicate hopelessness, physiological pain, feelings of worthlessness or being a burden. (ex: “What’s the point of even trying?”, “Nobody cares”)
- Marked changes in behaviour or significant changes such as social withdrawal, changes in sleep, anger/hostility, recent increased agitation or instability.
If you’ve recognized some of these warning signs and risk factors, rest assured that there are ways you can help. Below are some strategies to employ with your teen:
- Stay calm, passionate, non-judgmental.
- Take the time to listen to them express themselves without lecturing.
- Get curious: Gently ask questions until you understand how they’re feeling.
- Be patient even if your teen struggles to open up, or their perspective is frustrating or unreasonable to you.
- Use open ended questions to get them talking. When necessary, encourage them to elaborate or clarify (ex: “Tell me more”).
- Use “I” statements (ex: “I noticed you say you didn’t want to live anymore. I’m worried about you and I’d like to talk about this”) and avoid shaming, blaming or accusing.
- Remember their perspective and validate their feelings.
- Once you’ve heard them out, help them identify positives and remind them of reasons to live (ex: their pets, things they enjoy, etc.)
- Pay attention to body language; even if they say they’re fine, they may show their true thoughts and feelings through their gestures and facial expressions.
- Avoid reacting with shock, anger or frustration at what you may hear and try to fix their problems.
- Trust your instincts. If you feel your child is in danger, get help immediately.
Most parents worry that talking with their teens about suicide will increase the risk of suicide - this is a common myth. Showing them that you’re a safe person to talk to you, that you’re not afraid of difficult conversations, that you’re not judging them and that you want to help them is more likely to decrease feelings, thoughts and plans of suicide.
Although it may be a difficult and feel like an awkward thing to do, here is how you can start the conversation with your teen:
- Accept the possibility that they may be at risk for suicide.
- Create a climate of respect: Feelings of suicide are nothing to be ashamed of.
- Ask in a straightforward manner if they’re thinking of suicide.
- If they answer yes, ask if they have a suicide plan.
- If they say yes to the previous two questions:
o Do not leave them alone;
o Get them help immediately;
o Take them to an emergency room or call Canada’s Suicide Hotline at 9-8-8;
o Reassure them that help is available;
o Get them connected to long term support, including a therapist, a support group, or support person (family, friend).
o Help them build a Safety Plan. If you’re not sure how to build a safety plan, check out this toolkit.
Keep in mind that "suicide prevention is complex because people are complex"; each person is unique. Hence the importance of approaching suicide prevention with an open heart, open mind, curiosity and compassion.
Undoubtedly, talking about suicide and preventing teen suicide is a challenging and emotional topic for parents. You don’t have to go through this alone. We also recommend that parents of suicidal teens:
- Get their own support. During this stressful time, it might be ideal to have someone you can confide in; A therapist, a social worker, a family member or a dear friend can help keep you grounded and feel supported.
- Access resources: We encourage parents to get all the help they can. We’ve included a list of helpful resources below including crisis lines, counselling resources, helpful articles and toolkits to help you keep your teen safe:
For crisis support:
- National Suicide Hotline (24/7), call 9-8-8
- Head to your nearest emergency room. In Ottawa:
o Montfort Hospital, 713 Montreal Road (East end)
o Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario (CHEO), 401 Smyth Road (Central)
o Queensway Carleton Hospital, 3045 Baseline Road (Nepean)
o The Ottawa Hospital – Civic Campus, 1053 Carling Avenue
o The Ottawa Hospital – General Campus, 501 Smyth Road
- www.kidshelpphone.ca
Click “I need help now” at the top right corner of the page to speak with a volunteer crisis responder or professional counsellor.
- Distress Centre Ottawa & Region
o 24/7 distress line (613) 238-3311
o 24/7 crisis line (613) 722-6914
- Call 9-1-1
For more information, tips, resources and support, please visit:
Centre for Suicide Prevention - Suicideinfo.ca
Here you’ll find helpful articles and toolkits, including the Safety Plan Building Toolkit
Free Counselling Society of Canada - freecounsellingcanada.ca
BounceBack - https://bouncebackontario.ca/ A free skill-building program managed by the Canadian Mental Health Association designed to help adults and youth 15+ manage low mood, depression, anxiety, stress and worry. Delivered over the phone and through online videos.
Family Services Ottawa - https://familyservicesottawa.org Counselling, workshops and more.
2-1-1 Ontario Connecting you to social services, programs and community supports
Counselling Connect - www.counsellingconnect.org Free same or next day counselling appointments
You can also call your extended benefits provider (if you have one) to find out if they cover costs of services provided by Psychologists, Psychotherapists, and/or Social Workers. Visit www.psychologytoday.com to view a listing of local therapists or reach out to us to book an appointment with one of our associates.
*Most of the statistics, risk factors, warning signs, strategies and conversation tips contained in this article were quoted directly from the this and other articles written by the Centre for Suicide Prevention. Please visit their website and the reference section of any of their articles for a more detailed list of resources and information.
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